Introduction to the Four-Step Program to Master our Unwanted Habits
Background: A new approach to changing habits
There are many ways to go about managing our self-destructive and deep habits. Some advise stopping absolutely and for ever. Some involve treating the physical dependencies as an addiction. Some involve group-support. Often we are told about the difficulties that we face (as if we didn't know) or just told to stop for our own good (as if it were that easy).
All of these can and do work, at least for some people, but they can involve high levels of commitment and unintentionally tend to imply that we can do little to help ourselves.
The Four-Step Program is aimed at enabling us to change our habits in ways that are under our own control. This can be done as part of a treatment plan or independently. The basic approach can be used flexibly to stop, take a break, moderate, or just experiment. The simplest approach is to stop in one go, but many people find it difficult to truly commit to take that on as a permanent target unless they have to for medical or other reasons. The Four-Step Program is able to be used flexibly which means that our habits can be changed over time and that even if we struggle or lapse from time to time, we can continue to work towards increasingly healthy targets.
I suggest that stopping for a short period is relatively easy and allows us to build up the experience, resilience, and mental muscle-memory to change our habits in the long-term.
I don't minimise the importance of chemical dependency in common addictions but I suggest that, for many of us, our chronic behaviours have a large aspect of repetitive habitual behaviour, often supported by social pressure. Vitally, if we focus on that part of us that we 'can' change then we can change even our long-term habits. We can change our relationship with many things, when we know how. And, at the very least, we can enhance the outcome of clinical treatments for addiction.
I created this program because I believed that my professional experience identifies many methods that can allow change to happen. I have been working on this for over 10 years and have distilled that learning down to a simple, though non-intuitive, approach that can allow us to stop or manage many of our deeper habits.
On one side we know that we must manage our self-destructive habits or risk on-going and increasingly serious health, wealth, and social risks. On the other side, these habits can seem to represent relaxation, relief from stress, and maybe a chance for enjoyment of life. It may seem that our internal cravings and urges are too powerful to overcome. One reason for this is that we can get into an internal fight that actively weakens us over time because we keep giving in, we develop a habit of giving in to our own habits.
I claim that we can, relatively easily, change our worst habits entirely. We can stop absolutely. We can beneficially take a break for a week, or a month, or several months. We can also choose to manage our habits on an on-going basis, though this option does require a clear plan, determination over time, and development of our sense of self and self-esteem.
If you want to use this program then I urge you to be prepared to commit to a specific target, for example to stop for at least a week. This will typically be long enough to convince you that you can change, long enough to show up your biggest challenges and how to address them, but short enough to be realistically achievable.
You can, of course, just take the program and hope for the best, but it will work better if you have a clear intention to make a genuine change in your life.
Notes:
Before you start I want you to know that there are several audio tracks available in support of this program. Most of these come in the form of guided meditations lasting between 30 minutes and an hour. Only one guided meditation is suggested as the starting point for the Four-Step Program (the longer of two meditations provided) once you have identified what it is that you want to achieve in terms of your own behaviour. Others are provided to support your progress.
Click here if you want to learn more about guided meditations before starting the Four-Step Program:
Audio Material
If you are interested in the theoretical background to our mind and how to understand what temptations and urges are about then click here to learn more:
Theory of Unwanted-Temptation
Hear more
Trancework Meditation.
Click here for a short audio introduction to the Four-Step Program:
Four-Step Audio Introduction
Setting your target
This program will work best if you have a clear target and the resolve to achieve it. I can't tell you what your target should be but this meditation may help you to identify your own target, set your purpose, and build your resolve and determination to achieve it.
Trancework Meditation.
Click to begin setting your own target:
Building Resolve
After you have listened to the meditation you should be in a position to choose your own purpose, in order to gain the greatest benefit from the Four-Step Program. For more information and support click here:
Setting Targets